The closer I get to people, the farther away I feel. When I’m on my own, all alone in my room, I say that no one else exists. It comforts me and allows me a real sense of freedom. However, deep down, part of the comfort in this is knowing all the while that other people really are out there if I need them. Knowing that despite my existential and nihilistic nature there probably are in fact multitudes of people who could take away my sadness if only I would let them. But when I start actually spending time with other people, I am struck with the cold and terrible truth that I’d professed to have known all along- that you, yourself, are truly all there is. You are trapped inside yourself all alone and no amount of time with anyone else will ever change that fact. I start spending time with other people and begin to feel even more unbearably lonely than I could comprehend.